This is Xanadu. He was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma in August 2010, at the age of 12. The tumor is in his right distal radius and it is eating away his bones. Deciding to go the palliative care route, I opted to do radiation and IV pamindronate (a biophosphate). Because of prior ACL injuries to both knees, I was afraid he wouldn't be able to handle life on three legs. He suffered a hairline compression fracture in October and was fitted with a fiberglass cast. To this day, February 4, 2011, he still wears a cast, which must be changed weekly.
Last Thursday, I discovered that not only has he suffered additional fractures to his cancer leg, he also has developed lung mets. That news was a huge blow. I quickly spiraled into a depression like I have never experienced. I was left with two choices: amputate or euthanize. How could I even consider putting Xanadu to sleep? He was eating, playing, hugging, following me around, and just being Xan. After 7 agonizing days, I have gone full circle and decided to amputate. His surgery is scheduled on Wed, February 9. This decision did not come easily.
Monday, I talked to Dr. Fineman, Xan's oncologist at VMS. She is fabulous, but she did not recommend amputation. There are risks. Amputation is a major surgery and Xan is an older dog. Anethesia can have a negative effect on lung mets and the lung mets can grow quickly as a result of the amputation. In her opinion, amputation may give Xan three months and even this was not guaranteed. She went on to recommend weekly bandage changes and gave Xan maybe a month until he would have to be put to sleep due to the pain. After our conversation on Monday, I decided I would not amputate. Which left euthanasia.
Tuesday was the worst day of my life. I was depressed, sad, and distraught at the thought of ending my best friend's life. How was I supposed to do it? Xan has been my dog for over 12-1/2 years. He has seen me though good times and bad and has been with me my entire adult life. I reached out to my Bone Cancer Dogs friends (http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/bonecancerdogs/) and asked for advice on handling grief and the loss of a pet. This group is a godsend. They are the most supportive and optimistic group of people you could ever hope to meet. There is a wealth of information within this group that is freely given by people who have "been there, done that." Questions are answered within minutes and different opinions are offered. I have survived Xanadu's diagnosis because of this group of friends.
Wednesday night pushed me over the edge. Xan woke me up at midnight, whining to go outside. I was up half the night, watching him pace, pant, and freak out. He was in so much pain, I didn't know how he would make it through the night. I honestly wished for the drugs to end his misery. After giving him an extra gabapentin and tramadol, he finally went to sleep around 3 AM with me sleeping next to him on the floor.
Thursday, we had an appointment with Dr. Staatz (VSA), our favorite orthopedic vet, for the weekly bandage change. I talked to him at length about Xanadu's options. I told him about Xan's restless night and asked his opinion on amputation. He reassured me that Xan would be fine on three legs. He pointed out that Xan really isn't using the leg anymore and is getting around okay. I assisted with the bandage change and saw the tumor. It has grown and it looks awful. As soon as I saw it, I knew what I wanted to do. The leg has to go. He promised to talk to Dr. Fineman about the surgery.
Friday, Dr. Fineman called me. She agreed that amputation was Xanadu's only shot at living the rest of his life pain-free. And since he is not ready to be euthanized, we scheduled the surgery.
